I’ve been told for years that independence is the way…
That needing a man is weak, and won’t fill me free.
And although the path of devoting myself to me…
worshipping my body as a sacred vessel of the divine..
understanding who I am in the world…
and learning how to be full of the light I am…
has been my path, my savior, and my purpose…
it doesn’t paint the whole picture for the longings of my feminine heart.
I want to be ravished,
and explored open like art.
I want to be held,
called to my best,
and opened by sacred and sexy force.
But it took me quite some time to admit this… and to vulnerably let go of the idea that I’m fine on my own.
I’ve learned that I can be complete in myself… happy in my life… free, fun, and in love with who I am: and still need a man.
So in efforts to heal the cords of “I’m fine on my own”… this is a creed to the masculine man that I crave:
Dear Masculine Man,
When I was in high school, I needed you because I was incomplete.
Nobody informed me that the most important person to love, was me.
As I found out you cheated, the lie bombs dug trenches in the holes that were already there.
I didn’t know it at the time, and I don’t ever blame you now, because your behavior was the blessing I needed to help awaken the lover and being I am today.
Back then, I needed you because I didn’t accept all of who I was. The concept of self-awareness hadn’t presented itself yet. I blamed the outer world for my inner turmoil.
And I needed you to prove my beauty, my brilliance, and my worth.
You were the reflection I didn’t recognize in myself.
If you desired me, I felt sexy.
When you called me, I felt loved.
Those times you lied about the sorority slut you had a side relationship with, I felt unable to trust the intuitive goddess showing face.
And so it goes: I was in a game of unending and unconscious inner anxiety, handing you the remote control to a confidence I later claimed inside myself.
Over time, I adopted the idea that you literally cannot be the one to bring me the joy and pleasure I devoted as yours in years prior.
It is when I engage these inherent capacities within that I thrive in radiant and magnetic attraction; an inside job toward the life I want to feel.
And as the job entails, countless hours were spent embodying and spewing advice like, “Love and care for yourself first. Don’t need a man- that’s how you manifest one in to your life. Be whole without him.”
But I’m tired of not needing you.
And I’m swooning for you to understand that you can be a necessary ally to my ever-expanding and juicy life.
You see, I’ve spent the past six years filling in the self-created ditches that were bombed by your cheating past.
Now there are no holes that you are here to fill.
Only a crystal cup overflowing with sacred waters instead.
But just as any river has the intention of flowing itself back into the mama sea,
I have the intention of finding and showering you.
I’m ready to emit my radiance in your field.
What a pleasure it will be to overflow inner love your way.
I want your masculine presence to remind me of who I get to be.
Today, I don’t need you because I’m broken.
I need you… because I’m complete.
It was a favor for us both, or so I thought… not needing you in the name of self development, personal power, and self love.
I believed needing you was weak, and heavens I couldn’t let myself fall once more.
I became independent, creating a reality where it was me against the world.
And although I felt complete, I was exhausted.
This reality closed my awakening awareness to the perception of being swept off my feet.
It shut down the cravings of my feminine heart.
And then it convinced you to hide your Superhuman, and it interrupted you from coming in to powerfully penetrate my world.
So, it’s official.
I’m done not needing you.
And that doesn’t make me any less potent than I desire to be.
As a warning: I’m not about to search for you or work black magic to bring you in.
But I am surrendering to the idea that I can need you, want you, crave you…
and love myself, my life, and my free space just the same.
Here’s your notification, my love.
I need you so that my sensuality has a container for worshipped play.
I need you to dominate the direction of our flow.
I need you so that earthly awareness continues to grow into my stream of light for the world.
I need you to help me keep opening to love.
I need you so that my body has a partner of devotion to deliciously meet the divine.
I need you to give me nothing but who you really are.
I need you, baby.
And as long as you’ve taken space from the requirement of me for some time,
you get to need me now too. ]
(Original on Elephant Journal: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/04/creed-to-the-masculine-man/)